So, I’m not a great cook by any means. I can make a decent meal that might get me a little closer to a girl’s bed than, say, a trip to the Olive Garden, but I don’t really have such great chops in the kitchen. And when I’m cooking for myself, laziness and apathy set in and I don’t really put too much effort into making things taste or look that great. That said, there have been times when, faced with a lack of money and/or the fact that all stores and food vendors are closed, I have been left to eat a mish mash of the most disgustingly incongruous flavors known to man. “Meals” that pushed the limits of even my indifference. A prime example of this is something I made for myself in early post-college years.

I lived in a small studio apartment in Astoria. It was 11pm and I was broke and starving. I looked in my fridge. It was slim pickins. Obviously, the only thing to do was to create this bizarre and disgusting dish with the few edibles I had:

Poor editor pseudo burrito

1 large egg
1 slice American cheese
2 hot dogs
1 small onion
1 (stale) flour tortilla

Heat oven to 350.
Thinly slice the onion and sautee in olive oil until opaque. Set aside.
Lightly fry the egg in a non-stick pan. When it is cooked sufficiently (you want the yolk to still be runny), place it in the center of the tortilla. Place the hot dogs on top and sprinkle the onions over it. Top this with the slice of cheese. Wrap the tortilla up and toss it in the oven for like 10 minutes or so.

I ate this with various condiments. My least favorite combination was russian dressing, although mayonnaise and Dijon mustard gave it a run for its money. Ketchup was the least disgusting.

Drink pairing: aerated tap water.

The moral of the story is as follows: Don’t be a poor editor.

I am now a poor graduate student and I understand that having a freezer full of Tower Isles beef patties is preferable to such unpleasant experimentation.