Anyone who doesn’t like the Bohiemian Hall & Beer Garden in Astoria is a communist. You can drink cheap pitchers of Hoegaarden outside with your friends and not have to deal with annoying douchebags hitting on you.

Soon Williamsburg kids won’t have to make the treck into Queens for very long as Williamsburg is getting their own. One with a retractable roof. Ooh-la-la!
+ =

Do you think the new beer garden will serve up PBR, tofu dogs and irony?

Official website. Unfortunately, they don’t say WHERE it is. They do say June 29 to July 31st, which doesn’t sound right. Nor do they have a contact number or email address. They must have outsourced some sweatshop website designers.

Another site told me it’s at 66 Water Street in DUMBO, Brooklyn. June 29 to July 1st. Admission is free. Singapore food emphasizes seafood!

Don’t hate on big shitty food festivals, Mr. Kim

I am beginning to wonder why most Food Network cooks tell you to use olive oil for everything.

You see, I just bought a new drum of extra virgin olive oil (organical Fairway brand) and that shit is flavorful. So flavorful that it can overwhelm your food and palate.

Plus, olive oil has a relatively low smoke point, which doesn’t make it ideal for high heat cooking (I’m staring at a recipe right now that is telling me to coat beef in olive oil before searing it).

At The Restaurant, we use an oil blend (I think it’s mostly veg and some soy) for 99% of things. I asked Chef why they use both the olive oil and the blend for dressing salads and he said it’s because he doesn’t want just the taste of olive oil to come through. Makes sense.

Neutral-flavored oils are: Corn, peanut, canola, grapeseed, sunflower, safflower and light olive oil (”light” referring to the taste, not the fat or calorie content).

Here’s a handy little guide for your cooking needs. Fuck what the recipes say and go with science. From whatscookingamerica.net:

Scienticians say too much evoo can cause
automatonitis and corporate shillitis

I’m up the part in “The Omnivore’s Dilema” about how a human can only consume so many pounds of food in a year and how this is a bane of food corporations. That got me thinking about beverages.

There are so many more alternative (and malternative) beverages on the market than from when I was a kid. We had the big name brand sodas, powdered ice tea mix and those barrel “juices” that were 10 for $1 and made my throat scratchy. Then came along Snapple and Wendy with their juices, teas and sodas (which I miss, like the cherry-lime rickey) and other small companies that didn’t make it (Original New York Seltzer). Then Red Bell. Vitamin Water. Arizona. Pomegranate juice. The explosion of bottled water and fall-out of people ooh-la-la-ing someone who drinks Evian. We spend so much money on beverages when tap water is basically free.

Even the liquor companies have jumped on the band wagon and released new drink flavors. Vanilla vodka, mango rum and coffee tequila. Though, I think this is a total novelty and assume the market for these things are high maintenance women and guidos.

This isn’t a call to go back to the basics. I actually dig the vast varieties. I’m sipping on a Ito En peach tea right now that costs $1.50 each at Fairway. One bottle contains 120 calories and 30g of sugars. I am prone to buying the large gallon sizes of Diet Arizona Green Tea with honey, which I refer to as “Juice”. I’m not a soda drinker any more, but I’m currently a sucker for anything new and “natural” that’s flavored with natural sugars. Unfortunately, more often than not, they are shitty.

What is it about new beverages that make us say, “Oooh, I wanna try that!”? More so with most people than foods. When’s the last time you heard someone say, “Celery root? I’ve never had that. I gotta get me some.”

“‘Ey, oh! Lemme get a blueberry martini wit Red Bull. And a jack’n'diet for my bro.”

I found some purple sticky rice in the bulk section of the Jericho Whole Foods a few months back. I’ve been meaning to make it, but it requires soaking before cooking and I have no patience for things that need to be prepped way in advance. That’s why I’ve only used my ice cream maker twice in a year and half.

Purple sticky rice, also known as black sticky rice, yields a glutonious texture without gluten. It’s commonly used a dessert rice. If you do not enjoy rice pudding or coconut, then I suggest you stop reading this and go watch those young teens hump ottomans or something instead.

It’s extremely easy to make. It’s hard to eff up and I didn’t measure anything while making it.

Ingredients:

• purple sticky rice
• water
• coconut milk
• a few pinches of brown sugar or raw sugar
• dollop of coconut cream (optional)
• mango or banana chunks (optional)

Soak rice in water for at least eight hours - this will greatly cut down on your cooking time. Drain water and place rice in a pot and add water to about half to one inch above the rice. (If you happen to have a rice steamer, I’d suggest using that.) Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer. Add a pinch of sugar and stir and taste the water to see if the sweetness level is adequate for you. Cook uncovered for at least half an hour, stirring occasionally. Taste the rice, it should be soft, but have a little bite to it but not be chewy. You may have to add more water, but you want it thick and not too soupy and you don’t want it dry. Think runny risotto consistency. Turn off the heat and stir in small amounts of the coconut milk until you like the taste. Add more sugar if you need to. Top with coconut cream and/or fruit chunks if you want. Can be enjoyed hot or cold. Check out your feces afterwards.

Moderation is key.

People like pictures. And I guess you’d expect a food blog to have photos of food. But it’s going to be awhile before I supply you with some because my third Canon Elph broke today while I was shooting Matt training his recently sprouted hop plants. I’m looking into a Panasonic Lumix camera because they have Leica lenses and they are half the cost of Leica digital cameras. The moral of the story is fool me three times, I call shenanigans on your camera company. Canon, you’ve made The List.

In other news, I was weeding my backyard today and found some sort of melon or squash plants! I’m not quite sure what kind they are, but I’ll find out later on in the year. I’d take photos and post them, but you know.

We finally dined at Petite Crevette on Hicks tonight. I say finally because it’s around the corner from our apartment and I pass by it at least twice a day. It’s an adorable little French bistro that’s heavy on seafood but light on the palate. Great service and a very welcoming staff (one of the servers recognized me from earlier in the day when I was walking Pokey by there). I wish we had a table by the kitchen, because it’s fascinatingly tiny: Four burners, one cutting board and only room enough for one cook. We started with the crab corn chowder and soft shell crab (deep fried and served with frites over a bed of greens with mustard and wasabi mayo). For entrees we had Long Island striped bass and tuna steak nicoise (rare) - both served with amazing mashed potatoes (creamy and buttery, but still fluffy and potatoey) and al dente carrots, haricot verts and zucchini. To finish, some of that famous Red Hook key lime pie with whipped cream, which I was really impressed with because it wasn’t too sweet. Petite Crevette is byob (corking fee is $5) and does not take credit cards. Total for two appetizers, two special entrees, one dessert and corking fee was $90 including tax and tip. They have a take-out menu and are open for lunch. This is a not an itis causing eatery.

Yo momma’s face is so ugly… 

Earlier this week Chef sent me over to pick up a couple of things from a new Korean-owned produce store on Court Street at Degraw.

It’s kinda like one of those little Chinatown shops. Just fruit and veg and a little bit of bulk treats (banana chips, peanuts, etc.).

I don’t know the name of it, but will get it for you.

One bunch of cilantro, a block of tofu, finger of ginger and a few handfuls of wasabi peas (he told me to get something nice for myself) for $2.41!

Smell you later, janky Fairway produce. Smell you later forever.

Bread-n- Brie, which is an online gourmet supermaket, just launched. They sell organic and kosher foods, too.

20% off your first order.

Their website is still a little janky.

Right now they only deliver to the Upper East Side and NYU area (because, you know, those kids need even more grocery outlets besides the greenmarket, Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods), but you can go pick-up your orders.

Dogswell makes a line of dog and cat treats that are very similar to human beef jerky (beef jerky for humans, not jerky made out of human meat). Except that they are all natural, cage free and fortified with vitamins and such . They come in chicken breast, duck breast, lamb and beef liver.

“Breathies” has parsley and mint to make your dog’s breath less stanky. You know, like if your doggy is dumb and eats poo. Pokey’s stupid, although he’s not that stupid, but his breath does smell like death. (More often I describe it as something else that is too offensive for me to write here. Buy me a drink or two and you’ll get it out of me, though.)

“Mellow Mut” contains lavender and hops to “help maintian a peaceful lifestyle”. I think that’s hippy talk for “your dog is an asshole that needs to chill the fuck out”. It’s got hops in it! Maybe if your dog is a hyperactive little shit, you should give it a beer to take the edge off. They make beer for dogs now. Like Happy Tale Ale.

Anyway, Dogswell treats retail for about $8-10 for a 6 ounce sack, which makes them pricier than regular beef jerky.

I have yet to try them myself, but Pokey enjoys them. My dog’s snacks are healthier and more expensive than the snakcs I eat myself. Priorities. Look at the son of a bitch, I can’t help myself:

“I’ll do anything for an ear of corn. ANYTHING.” 

The French Culinary Institute is holding an auction to raise funds for scholorships on Monday, June 11th. What’s on the block? Chefs. Dates with chefs. Famous chefs!

I would go, but the ticket is $250 just get in the door. But it includes snacks! (Those snacks better be made out of bald eagle and tiger meats, rare root vegetables cultivated by monks on mountaintops and children’s tears.)

Details.