I am waiting impatiently for the release of Ratatouille. Here are some food films that I summarized in mathematical form:

Tampopo: Ramen noodles (Japanese woman + truck drivers) + couple who likes to bump uglies with food involved + some other crap about food + cuteness = Keep a pack or two of Cup Noodles with garnishes ready to go ÷ don’t get it confused with a “tampoop”

Like Water for Chocolate: Mexicans + sex + overbearing mother + cooking + bandalaros = Hawt

Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Some crazy dude who may or may not be a child molester but who I think is a eunuch + poor sissy kid who I want to punch in the face + spoiled rich bitch + overachieving bitch + Ooter + asshole know-it-all pre-hister + midgets in orange face + songs + candies = Good trip - acid

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: Michael Jackson (Edward Scissorhands - the hands) + adorable British kid who is poor + spoiled rich bitch + overachieving bitch + Ooter + asshole know-it-all pre-guido + Middle Eastern midgets + songs + candies + some squirrels + (Saruman - magic) = Good trip - acid - 1970’s.

Chocolat: Chocolates (French woman + bastard child + Johnny McDepp) + puritan townsfolk = Sexy results + (diabetes - Wilford Brimley)

Mystic Pizza: Pizza + some white bitches + Connecticut = I don’t know fucking know I think it’s like Steel Magnolias ÷ Pretty Woman or something that needs + pizza and - bitching

Eat Drink Man Woman: Chinese widower + 3 (single daughters) + suitors + Chinese home cooking = Call Uncle Dai’s and order me a Happy Family + Chinese fried chicken + seafood wonton soup + 1/2 (Peking duck + extra MSG) + some of those candied walnut dealies

Simply Irresistible: (Buffy + magical crab obtained from outdoor market + bad actor + sassy black sous chef + magic) - Robert Palmer = Shitty romantic comedy about a cook who keeps live seafood out for weeks on end get me my phone I’m calling the health inspector

Soul Food: Black family (sassiness) + soul food = I didn’t see the movie ÷ shame

I am missing a bunch I haven’t seen, so feel free to leave your own formulas.