I planted an herb garden today.

I was planning on going to Home Depot, but decided to support a local business, Gowanus Nursery, which is a three minute walk from my apartment.

The ladies who work there were not to my liking. They were weird. I don’t know how to explain their weirdness, except compare it to the public school librarians I’ve dealt with in my youth. Maybe it’s the lack of proper customer relations. No one ever came up to me and asked me if I needed help and when I went to pay the lady said, “That’s all?” like I was a child trying to buy one stick of gum. Maybe they are just socially awkward and care about plants more than they care about people. Anyway, the nursery was very cute and had lots of interesting plants.

I picked up two basil plants, thyme, sage, dill and rosemary. (Total $26.01 with tax)

I am not a gardener. My mom had a green thumb and plants were her favorite hobby. She managed to grow dozens of orchids in the greenhouse my dad built for her. She could grow cucumbers, tomatoes, figs, blackberries, chives, strawberries, various kinds of mint (which she used to barter with in Chinatown!), Vietnamese basil, and some other Vietnamese herbs that you are hard pressed to find, even in NYC and whose names I don’t even know. Even some Asian vegetables (like bitter melon, which is probably the only ingredient I can’t stand). I would constantly find her outside, bent over in sweatpants and would go up to her and poke her in the butt cheek and say “farmer butt” (I wasn’t a toddler, I was a teenager). She attempted to get me into gardening, but I was always more interested on what was on tv or the Turbo Graphix. So I can tell you the secret code to unlock the Princess for Ordyne but don’t know what the hell a perennial is.

So I have a new backyard. And I spend money weekly on various herbs at the supermarket and I don’t even use all of them up (I don’t know why they sell such large quantities. I mean, I don’t need a pound of dill for $2, can’t you just sell me a large handful for $.50?)

So I’m pretty shitty at gardening mainly because I’m lazy and half-assed. I hope I put them in the right place for enough sunlight. I hope the soil is okay and that I planted them far enough apart. If any knowledgeable gardeners are reading, I’d like your advice.

Also, a bird just shit on my computer screen while I was writing this. Everyone’s a critic.