I’m getting into organ meats and I hope I don’t get gout like that adorable Bobby Hill.

Organ meats. Usually known in most of our culture as the crap bits. That shit you throw out can be extremely tasty if prepared right (read: prepared Frenchilly).

I’ve been hording the livers that come with my whole chickens. I’m going to compare it to those little Japanese or Kid Robot toys that I occasionally buy: Little boxes for $3-5 and contained inside is a mystery from a limited edition series. I buy my whole chickens and hope for double livers. Lately I’ve been coming up with only necks. Rats!

I decided to make my own pate-type dealie. Because for some reason, buying it is expensive. And it’s actually really cheap to make. So before you “ooh-la-la” me, hear me out.

I am using Jacques Pepin’s recipe for chicken liver custard (smoother and silkier than pate). If you are on a diet, then I suggest you do not read on. For it is a delicious, godforsaken tale of eggs and heavy cream and butter.

Makes eight servings. It’s a fucking lot!

Ingredients:

• 3 chicken livers, cleaned and free of any funky smell (you can get a pint of them at the market for about a dollar or two)
• 1 large garlic clove or 2 small garlic cloves, crushed
• 1 teaspoon unsalted sweet cream butter
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup milk (I used whole milk because fuck it - in for a penny, in for a pound )
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 6 large eggs
• finely chopped chives for garnish (I don’t know why the French love chives. I guess it’s like all those American restaurants in the 80’s that put a sprig of curly parsley on every plate.)

Special gear: Fine mesh sieve. Souffle or ramekins (oven proof).

Preheat oven to 350 F.

Place livers in food processor (or blender) with garlic. Whizz until smooth. You will get something that looks like congealed blood and smells like a vampire.

Heat butter in a skillet over medium heat. Once the butter is melted and kinda hot, add the contents of the food processor. Swirl around and the goop should start changing to a grey color and clumping. Back into the food processor. Add salt, pepper and milk. Whiz again until smooth. Add eggs and heavy cream. Whizz again. You should have something that looks like a thin lobster bisque. And if you don’t know what that looks like, then I dunno what you can compare it to but you should go get yourself some lobster bisque.

Pour through a fine mesh sieve into another bowl.

Now this is where Jacques Pepin failed me and didn’t tell me to preheat my oven. (I blame him instead of me and my refusal to read recipes all the way through before beginning.) He also didn’t give me the best advice on where and when to put water in the pan and I ended up ruining one of my custards. Here’s the smart way to do it:

Butter ramekins. Place ramekin in a deep pan and fill the pan with tepid water about halfway up the ramekin. Place the pan onto your oven rack. Ladle delicious mixture into ramekins.

Bake for 35-60 minutes, depending on the size of your ramekins. The water in the pan shouldn’t come to a boil and if it does, just add some cold water or ice cubes. Like with cakes, you can tell it’s ready if you stick a knife in the center and it comes out clean. Let rest 20 minutes before unmolding.

You are done unless you want to make a sauce. I made the sauce that came with the recipe, but it’s an old Escoffier-style sauce of heavy cream and butter and didn’t add anything to the custard.

Plate your custard all fancy like and sprinkle with the chives. I served it with fresh baguette slices, cornichons and mache salad mix dressed with lemon juice and olive and veg oil.

Result: I knew I should have doubled the amount of livers! This was a savory custard with a hint of liver. I wanted something really heavy on the liver flavor. It was very light and fluffy and eggy. It was an enjoyable light lunch, but I don’t think I’d make it again.

ChewFood grade: B-