Dogswell makes a line of dog and cat treats that are very similar to human beef jerky (beef jerky for humans, not jerky made out of human meat). Except that they are all natural, cage free and fortified with vitamins and such . They come in chicken breast, duck breast, lamb and beef liver.

“Breathies” has parsley and mint to make your dog’s breath less stanky. You know, like if your doggy is dumb and eats poo. Pokey’s stupid, although he’s not that stupid, but his breath does smell like death. (More often I describe it as something else that is too offensive for me to write here. Buy me a drink or two and you’ll get it out of me, though.)

“Mellow Mut” contains lavender and hops to “help maintian a peaceful lifestyle”. I think that’s hippy talk for “your dog is an asshole that needs to chill the fuck out”. It’s got hops in it! Maybe if your dog is a hyperactive little shit, you should give it a beer to take the edge off. They make beer for dogs now. Like Happy Tale Ale.

Anyway, Dogswell treats retail for about $8-10 for a 6 ounce sack, which makes them pricier than regular beef jerky.

I have yet to try them myself, but Pokey enjoys them. My dog’s snacks are healthier and more expensive than the snakcs I eat myself. Priorities. Look at the son of a bitch, I can’t help myself:

“I’ll do anything for an ear of corn. ANYTHING.”