I’m up the part in “The Omnivore’s Dilema” about how a human can only consume so many pounds of food in a year and how this is a bane of food corporations. That got me thinking about beverages.

There are so many more alternative (and malternative) beverages on the market than from when I was a kid. We had the big name brand sodas, powdered ice tea mix and those barrel “juices” that were 10 for $1 and made my throat scratchy. Then came along Snapple and Wendy with their juices, teas and sodas (which I miss, like the cherry-lime rickey) and other small companies that didn’t make it (Original New York Seltzer). Then Red Bell. Vitamin Water. Arizona. Pomegranate juice. The explosion of bottled water and fall-out of people ooh-la-la-ing someone who drinks Evian. We spend so much money on beverages when tap water is basically free.

Even the liquor companies have jumped on the band wagon and released new drink flavors. Vanilla vodka, mango rum and coffee tequila. Though, I think this is a total novelty and assume the market for these things are high maintenance women and guidos.

This isn’t a call to go back to the basics. I actually dig the vast varieties. I’m sipping on a Ito En peach tea right now that costs $1.50 each at Fairway. One bottle contains 120 calories and 30g of sugars. I am prone to buying the large gallon sizes of Diet Arizona Green Tea with honey, which I refer to as “Juice”. I’m not a soda drinker any more, but I’m currently a sucker for anything new and “natural” that’s flavored with natural sugars. Unfortunately, more often than not, they are shitty.

What is it about new beverages that make us say, “Oooh, I wanna try that!”? More so with most people than foods. When’s the last time you heard someone say, “Celery root? I’ve never had that. I gotta get me some.”

“‘Ey, oh! Lemme get a blueberry martini wit Red Bull. And a jack’n'diet for my bro.”