Here’s what Wikipeida says:

Gluttony (Latin, gula)

Derived from the Latin, gluttire, meaning to gulp down or swallow, gluttony is the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste. In the Christian religions, it is considered a sin because of the excessive desire for food, or its withholding from the needy.

Depending on the culture, it can be seen as either a vice or a sign of status. Where food is relatively scarce, being able to eat well might be something to take pride in (although this can also result in a moral backlash when confronted with the reality of those less fortunate). Where food is routinely plentiful, it may be considered a sign of self control to resist the temptation to over-indulge.

Early Church leaders (e.g., Thomas Aquinas) took a more expansive view of gluttony (Okholm 2000), arguing that it could also include an obsessive anticipation of meals, and the constant eating of delicacies and excessively costly foods. He went so far as to prepare a list of six ways to commit gluttony, including:

• Praepropere - eating too soon
• Laute - eating too expensively
• Nimis - eating too much
• Ardenter - eating too eagerly
• Studiose - eating too daintily
• Forente - eating too fervently

The “obsessive anticipation of meals” is sending me and OCD housewives like Martha Stewart to hell. I hope I don’t have to hang out with them there.

In my America, douchebaggery would be a sin.

Also, I agree that dainty, or picky eaters (with or without the fetal alcohol syndrome), should be sent to the third circle of hell. This includes vegans who request vegan mashed potatoes in the middle of Friday night dinner service, people who order their $27 protein well done and this woman who came in claiming she was a vegetarian / pescitarian but then said she sometimes ate poultry in teeny tiny amounts. What the fuck is the difference between eating a bite of chicken and the whole fucking thing? That’s like me saying, “Oh, I’m not a cannibal, I only had one finger.”

Tonight’s “King of the Hill” episode (”Raise the Steaks”) was about organic foods. Hank normally buys his meats from the Wal-Mart like Meglo-Mart until he gets flavorless, tough, chewy steaks. A hippy acquaintance tells Hank to check out the local food co-op, CornuCo-Opia, for organic, grass-fed prime steaks. Many jokes about hippies, yuppies, conventional foods, industrialized organics, delicious cattle and annoying food puns (”Peanut Better” and “Fakin’ Bacon”).

I’m pretty certain that organic foods are Rusty Shackleford approved. 

My grocery habits have drastically changed since I started working in a restaurant. I don’t have time to cook except on the weekends. It used to be I’d go to the store almost every day, now it’s more like once every two weeks. I used to go with a list of things to pick-up for a specific dish. Now I just go to stock-up on snacks, because when I get home at midnight after working for twelve hours with no break, the last thing I want to do is stand and cook more.

So here’s what I bought at Fairway last night:

1.) Whole milk.

2.) Juice aka Arizona to you n00bz.

3.) A delicious cereal that is good for you and tastes delicious. The perfect balance of sweetness and crunch. I don’t like breakfast, so it’s hard for me to find a cereal that I like that isn’t going to give me cavities and diabetes and also won’t cut up my gums. I wish I could live in Health Valley. I bet everyone would be all friendly and give you presents all the time and sign for your packages and not steal them. Though, I don’t think they would let me smoke and drink there.

4.) Raw macadamia nuts for snacking.

5.) Some Fig Newton type dealies I bought to try.

6.) Eggs.

Chips are very important. People who don’t like chips are either communists or stupid women who are scared of getting fat so they sacrifice deliciousness for vanity. I like a thick cut (chip, not woman) and preferably dark russet. I don’t like many flavored chippos, but Kettle’s Cheddar Beer is effing amazing - it combines three of my favorite things: Cheese, beer and chippos. The Herr’s I bough to try out because I usually get Utz’s dark russet flavor. The Island Jerk was new, so I decided to test it out.

Yogurt pyramid. I like Wallaby’s because it’s organical and I think the packaging is neat. Plus it’s always on sale for $.85. It’s “Australian style”. I don’t know what the fuck that means, but it should say “Delicious style”. The Pokey-looking guy on top is sheep’s milk yogurt that I bought because I’ve never had before.

1.) I fell for Bean Cuisine’s ploy: Just jam some dried beans and spices and herbs in a sack and a tie with a ribbon and charge $3.50 for it when someone who isn’t lazy or stupid could put it together with Goya products for $.50. Damn you, Bean Cuisine! Damn yous!

2.) Cashew Butter is delicious.

3.) Rick’s Picks Windy City Wasabeans: Pickled green beans with wasabi and garlic and soy sauce. I have no idea what it has to do with Chicago.

4.) Italian artichoke and olive oil puree spread. The people who make the signs in Fairway are very wordy and it’s starting to piss me off. Cut to the damn chase, assholes. I’m hungry and overwhelmed by your products and the fact that your aisles are too small and you want me to stand around staring at signs? The sign for this job said something about the NYTimes but all I really got was the first line that said, “This stuff will kill you.” Done and done!

5.) Fairway fresh baked crusty baguette. Yes, I live in NYC and I have to buy my fresh bread from a supermarket. I live in an Italian neighborhood, so the bakeries don’t give a shit about French breads.

6.) Sausage and cheeses.

1.) Annie’s mac ‘n’ cheese. It tastes just like Kraft, except it’s not processed nor does it contain chemicals. Usually Matt will eat all of these before I can get to them.

2.) 1/2 pound of coffee.

3.) Ice creams. Fairway has a shitty selection of ice creams. They don’t even have 5 Boroughs. I usually don’t care for Ben & Jerry’s as most of their flavors contain choco. Come on, you fucking hippies, can’t you come up with some ice cream combination flavor that doesn’t rely on chocolate to sell it to middle aged chocolate whores who read Cathy comics and buy Yankee Candles and read novels with embossed titles?

4.) Brita Filtas because I hate tasting chlorine in my water and buying large quantities of bottled water is stupid and wasteful.

1.) Unfortunately, I don’t have time to make my own stocks anymore. It’s also hard since I don’t have a microwave to defrost frozen stocks. I like how this brand felt the need to put the word “cooking” on the description.

2.) Canned San Marzano tomatoes.

3.) “Garnishing Oil” which is roquette (arugula) flavored olive oil. I’m hoping it’s not just a gimmick but I really think it’s just a gimmick.

4.) Bread, which is really just a vehicle to get the cashewnut butter into my mouth.

5.) Cheddar cheese.

6.) A pound of sablefish aka black cod - it’s tastes like if a white fish mated with a stick of butter.

7.) Ass wipes. I take pooping very seriously. I think it goes hand-in-hand with eating. And I like having a squeaky clean butthole. Anyone who doesn’t use baby wipes is gross. Though I don’t care much for the pedophile porn on the packaging. They should have a photo of me with my hand down the back of my pants and a big shit eating grin.

You’ve probably noticed a lack of produce in my purchases. It’s for two reasons. One being that I get my veg from the CSA right now, which is a communist-style share of organic, local produce. Number B is that, as I’ve bitched about before, the produce at Fairway is shitty. It’s inconsistent and unreliable. I mean, if you are gonna sell wilty cilantro, don’t expect me to buy it fat normal price and not bitch about it to the dumb rube standing next me who was just about to buy it anyway because he’d rather buy shitty produce than buy nothing or having to make two trips.

1.) Unripe bananas. I don’t like ripe, overly sweet, mushy bananas. Once I bought some organic bananas from Whole Foods that didn’t ripen even after three weeks! Organic my ass. Thems freak ‘naners.

2.) Grapes.

3.) Honeycrisp apples.

4.) 3 for $1 fruit jerky.

5.) Instant miso. I keep a pack of this on my station at The Restaurant.