One of my best friends and awesome comfort food cook, Joe, got me “The Zodiac Cookbook” for Xmas. It’s a little digest sized, 60-page, picture-less and smelly book for superstitious housewives from 1969. Here’s my food horoscope:

Scorpio

October 24-November 22. Its symbol is the Scorpion, and its element is Water. Topaz is its birthstone, and Tuesday is the luckiest day of the week.

Determination, persistence, and concentration are the qualities to be found in a Scorpion, and when carried into the kitchen, these make for an able homemaker and cook. But truth to tell, Scorpio is not usually found in the kitchen, but rather out in the world on the larger fields of battle. Keenly intuitive, you are at great advantage in mental skirmishes, and although secretive yourself, you have a vast talent for making your adversary reveal more than she intends to. Scorpio likes to play with idea of money, and the power which it will bring her, and often will hide small sums in the cookie jar against a rainy day! The Scorpion quivers with controlled energy, and potential power. The drive for power is intense and is at its best when directed towards the love of humanity. You enjoy good restaurants and finely prepared, elegant foods, so eat out whenever you can! The following are some of your favorite foods, with recipes provided, but we don’t expect you to cook them yourself!

Followed by recipes for paella, sweet and pungent shrimp and mussles mariniere.

Translation: You could cook, but you can’t because you are too busy being a catty housewife who hordes her money to spend on restaurants.

This book is awesome. I’ll be posting more.

If only one day in the future, Perdue could teach me how to roast a chicken. Now where’d I leave that jar of cash for my marijuana cigarettes?