Pizza Hut Plans Pasta: Poop
Posted by Chewy on Monday, April 21st, 2008
Maybe you’ve seen the Pizza Hut commercials proclaiming that they now serve pasta. This got me thinking: What is the advantage of ordering pasta delivered from them?
Let’s say it takes them thirty minutes to get to your place. In thirty minutes, you could pull a Rachael Ray and do the easiest “cooking” possible: Boil water (gas and water being virtually free), throw in some Ronzoni ($2 a box), toss with jar of shitty Ragu ($3) and maybe sprinkle some of that Kraft parmesan “cheese” from that green shaker. Or if you want to get fancy, you can sprinkly some 4C bread crumbs on top and stick it under the broiler for a couple of minutes. Estimated cost: $5 for a shitload (”shitload” meaning four to six servings).
Cooking in this bachelor-chow type manner is a half-step harder than heating up a Hungryman dinner (which probably is available in pasta flavor). You can argue that it requires the same amount of effort to mute the television, call Pizza Hut, order, put on pants, answer the door and do the math to get your change back. Pizza Hut’s pasta feeds four (not sure if the portion is for four fat asses as an entree or four USDA recommended portions) and costs $12 plus tip (unless you are cheap bastard)*.
Now, I haven’t tried Pizza Hut’s pasta, but I’ll bet twenty bones that it tastes the same as the recipe above or even a Lean Cuisine or something. And I bet you are more likely to get the shits from The Hut, too.
Check out the ingredients and nutritional contents.
(*If you are a severe recluse with social anxiety disorder, you can order online or through text messaging – without pants on.)
Lady, if you can afford that manicure, you can afford more delicious, nutritious food.
Categories: 
Discussion: 
I think that it’s high time that we have a new food contest. $15 and 30 minutes, best meal or whatever wins a brand new Pbpsi truck (if I can find another one)
Comment written by Joe on 11:56 am on the 23rd of April, 2008
What the hell is wrong with you?
Why do you hate AMERICAN istitutions like pizza and now pizza hut?
Food there is pretty good. It’s not some fancy french shit, which a liberal like you probably loves, but it is good American food. I’m looking forward to their pasta…it’s probably better than the crap you cook at home and there’s no work or cleaning.
Wise up. Love the country you are in or LEAVE IT!!!!!
Comment written by Patrieat on 3:35 pm on the 29th of April, 2008
Wait. Are you talking about American or I’tai food? I’m so confused. Like how the French invented the automobile. Makes no sense, right?
Comment written by Chewy on 11:30 pm on the 29th of April, 2008
Tried the Pizza Hut Pasta with Marinara/Meat sauce last night. I was hoping to be pleasantly surprised given the fancy restaurant/surprised patrons commercial roll-out this month announcing their new pasta but I was disappointed. This was comparable to “school pasta casserole”. Sauce that was so mild it really didn’t resemble tomato sauce, tiny meat pieces and corkscrew pasta. No hint of Italian herbs - which would improve it considerably. And yes, you could cook your own giant dish of pasta, with better results, using Bertolli sauce, pasta and some Italian sausage for 1/2 the price and in the same time it took to get my order (45 minutes).
Note: The bread sticks were dry and cold! No excuse for that as Pappa John’s has that down to a science!
Comment written by Deborah/Dallas, Tx. on 9:20 pm on the 30th of April, 2008
If you live in NYC and you’re ordering food from Pizza Hut then you’ve seriously got issues. There’s no excuse.
Comment written by Nate on 2:10 pm on the 29th of May, 2008