Trivia night is tonight at Bar Great Harry. Located at the corner of Smith and Sackett in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. Hosted by a couple of crazy kids from Rocketship, the comic book store. 8:30pm. Dogs and dawgs welcome. One scumbag at a time, please.

“Look, my gut tells me Backstreet, and that’s where my brain is. With my gut. They is roomates. But sometimes they don’t get along too well – you know they is always arguing about the bills.”

I first heard about Reds Produce from a FOH trailer at The Restaurant. He mentioned it was right around the corner from where I live. I looked it up on Gothamist (which was the only site that had any real information about the place) and walked by it last night after Matt and I got burgers from Hope & Anchor and picking up a large supply of Twinning’s English Breakfast Tea from Fairway ($10 for a hundred pack!).

Tonight Matt and I went for dinner. It’s a super tiny tapas bar (28-seats and a max of 44 people) right by Moonshine. Working the bar was Red himself (who was born in northern Spain and used to be in the hardcore band YDL) along with Pamela–both extremely welcoming and friendly. They’ve only been open three weeks and are awaiting their liquor liscense–they will have draught beers and Spanish wine ($5 house wine!). Soon they will be selling produce and dried goods–most of it is imported from Spain. So I guess locavores aren’t supposed to be down with it, but dude, it’s got less “carbon footprints” then actually flying to Spain. In your self-righteous face!

Meat and cheese plate: Featuring drunken goat cheese (the rind is washed in wine), serrano ham, membrillo, dried fig and almond cake, some really extreme gnarly blue cheese (cabrales) that looks like it’s fifty years old, manchego and some other cheese.

Small tres colores salad: Carrot with tarragon, beet root and celery root.

Warm chorizo that was super intense. I’m talking caliente, papi!

They want to have live music as well as screen films from local artists. At first they were open ass early for breakfast, but as of now they are open every evening until ten (they are going to change their hours to stay open later).

Reds Produce is located at 289 Columbia Street between Summit and Woodhull (in that area some people call Carroll Gardens, others call Red Hook and a few call Columbia Street Waterfront), Brooklyn (718) 506-5432

As I mentioned before, Quench, the douche bar on Smith Street closed down. I was pretty psyched to hear a wine and cheese bar was opening up, because I love cheese. And although I know almost nothing about wine, I do enjoy it now and then.

I’ve been into the replacement bar, The Jake Walk, on Smith Street a handful of times since it opened. Of course, with my luck, they always stop serving food just at the time I get there after work. I went in this week with some of the waitrons from The Restaurant. I ordered a $6 glass of blended red. It smelled like ass. I tasted it. It tasted like ass. I gave it to everyone at table to sample to see if I was wrong and everyone smelled it and refused to take a sip. So I placed the glass on the far, empty end of our table to signal to the server or bartender there was a problem. Too bad the bartender and barwench were too busy chumming it up with each other and not keeping an eye on the bar or the tables. Eventually the bartender comes over and after using the word “ass” and asking him to smell the wine he gives a diplomatic answer that everyone has a different palate. I ask for a glass of the $5 wine my friend was drinking. The tab comes and they end up charging me for both glasses. Fucking lame.

Isn’t it part of a bartenders job to make sure their stock is up to par? Especially while working at a wine bar, where your product can go rancid in a few days? I mean, at some restaurants, servers have to get the manager to smell and taste every bottle that’s opened or has been opened for a couple of days. Also, being a new bar, wouldn’t you try not to alienate customers?

What I do like about the place is the decor and the concept. I would love to go back. But too bad I’ve only seen the same three people working the bar and I don’t like the cut of any of their jibs. I’ll stick to the beer bar (Bar Great Harry) across the street, where they are very welcoming, apologetic if anything gets fucked up and not up their own asses.

The Jake Walk
282 Smith Street, at Sackett
Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Smugness Alert: Code Orange
Attentiveness of staff: D
Decor: A-
Food: I wouldn’t fucking know and I’m bitter about it
Drink menu: Too big for me, but I guess serious wine and whisky drinkers will love it
Ratio of female to male customers: Clam Bar, 6:1

Yeah, keep on Jake Walkin’ until you hit Bar Great Harry.

So Schnäck is finally going to die. I used to love this place, but ever since I moved into the neighborhood they’ve lost their liquor license (they used to make awesome beer shakes with Dogfish Head’s Chicory Stout), given me a serious case of loose poops and raised their prices.

Schnäck is like a lame dog with the shits and heart worms who smells bad and sleeps all day.

This really fucking annoying bar on the corner of Smith and Sackett has closed it doors forever this past Saturday. Quench had more guidos, meatheads and bimbos hanging out outside of it instead of drinking inside of it. It blasted stupid music like the crap that goes “nst-nst-nst” and Bon Jovi. Stereotypes from Bay Ridge would show up drunk and driving, in sweatpants, full of cat-calls and pick fights with each other. Even the people who worked inside would do asshole things.

PS-What’s replacing it is a cheese and wine bar by the owners of Stinky Brooklyn (cheese shop) and Smith & Vine (liquor store).

Smell you later, Quench. Smell you later, forever.

Stinky, the cheese shop here in Carroll Gardens, is having a cheese eating contest next Sunday, the 24th. Cram down as much cheese into your pie hole as possible in one minute. Registration is free. The contest starts at 2pm sharp. Information here.

It’s like the gang bang of food porn.

Dear Joey V.,

This muggy June weather has given me a case of the vapors. So last Saturday I went to cool off with a few tastey beverages at a bar down the block that I think that you actually own in the future. But Future Joe hasn’t met Present Joe because that would fuck-up the space-time continuum and the world would implode into a black hole and Doc Brown would not be able to help you out.

It’s called Moonshine and I was too drunk to figure out if they actually had any moonshine. Nevertheless, I have my own moonshine if you would like to partake. I wonder if we could make some sort of “bomb” beverage with moonshine and PBR? What would we call it? The Freedom Bomb, perhaps?

Peanut shells on the floor, PBR on tap and Big Buck Hunter. They have three dozen different whiskeys and BYOM (bring your own meat to grill at their outdoor space). Beers in cans include Schlitz, Olde E, Tecate, Old Milwaukee, Colt 45, Genesee Cream Ale and more. Said beers are available in bucket deals.

They also have a juke box I do think you would appreciate even though Fugazi’s “Waiting Room” isn’t on it.

And it smells better than B-Sides.

Looking forward to getting drunk with you sometime soon and accidentally knocking over some parking meters at 317 Columbia Street Brooklyn, NY.

Your friend,
Chewy B.

PS: Shnäck is now BYOB.

Doc Brown needs to chill the eff out and have a whisky.

Full vegetable share from the Carroll Gardens CSA (Community Supported Agriculture). Clockwise from left: Pea shoots, radishes, mixed greens, Boston lettuce, red Russian kale (I’m pretty sure this vegetable is a communist), bok choi (also a communist) and asparagus.

Pokey does not appreciate organic greens nor communists.

People like pictures. And I guess you’d expect a food blog to have photos of food. But it’s going to be awhile before I supply you with some because my third Canon Elph broke today while I was shooting Matt training his recently sprouted hop plants. I’m looking into a Panasonic Lumix camera because they have Leica lenses and they are half the cost of Leica digital cameras. The moral of the story is fool me three times, I call shenanigans on your camera company. Canon, you’ve made The List.

In other news, I was weeding my backyard today and found some sort of melon or squash plants! I’m not quite sure what kind they are, but I’ll find out later on in the year. I’d take photos and post them, but you know.

We finally dined at Petite Crevette on Hicks tonight. I say finally because it’s around the corner from our apartment and I pass by it at least twice a day. It’s an adorable little French bistro that’s heavy on seafood but light on the palate. Great service and a very welcoming staff (one of the servers recognized me from earlier in the day when I was walking Pokey by there). I wish we had a table by the kitchen, because it’s fascinatingly tiny: Four burners, one cutting board and only room enough for one cook. We started with the crab corn chowder and soft shell crab (deep fried and served with frites over a bed of greens with mustard and wasabi mayo). For entrees we had Long Island striped bass and tuna steak nicoise (rare) - both served with amazing mashed potatoes (creamy and buttery, but still fluffy and potatoey) and al dente carrots, haricot verts and zucchini. To finish, some of that famous Red Hook key lime pie with whipped cream, which I was really impressed with because it wasn’t too sweet. Petite Crevette is byob (corking fee is $5) and does not take credit cards. Total for two appetizers, two special entrees, one dessert and corking fee was $90 including tax and tip. They have a take-out menu and are open for lunch. This is a not an itis causing eatery.

Yo momma’s face is so ugly… 

Earlier this week Chef sent me over to pick up a couple of things from a new Korean-owned produce store on Court Street at Degraw.

It’s kinda like one of those little Chinatown shops. Just fruit and veg and a little bit of bulk treats (banana chips, peanuts, etc.).

I don’t know the name of it, but will get it for you.

One bunch of cilantro, a block of tofu, finger of ginger and a few handfuls of wasabi peas (he told me to get something nice for myself) for $2.41!

Smell you later, janky Fairway produce. Smell you later forever.