If you stock up on cologne and Campari in your hotel room, Salma Hayek will totally let you rail her on the bathroom sink.

No one thinks they have bad taste in anything. People with gaudy McMansions with a shitload of gold, marble and inappropriate colums and shitty art they buy at The Marriot art expo think they are cool. Dudes who have tricked out Hummers with five extra bumpers and a decal on the windshield of Calvin pissing on something think everyone is jealous. The same goes for people’s palates. And no, I’m not talking a matter of personal preferances, I’m talking about quality. Just because something satiates your thirst or hunger, doesn’t mean it’s quality. I had this old co-worker who found out I was into beers and said, “I love good beer! Corona is my favorite!” Since I was friends with her, I proceeded to school her after I made fun of her.

We had this guy come into The Restaurant, saw our little craft beer list and asked the server if we had “anything good… like Stella.” The server came into the kitchen and asked us and I started ranting about how Stella is the Budweiser of Europe and how shitty it is and how dumb the guy was for calling it good compared to the beers we carry and if that’s the kind of palate he has then he should go eat at the Olive Garden. So Chef went out to the table and told the guy pretty much what I was screaming about for five minutes. I don’t know why Stella is the best selling beer in NYC bars.

Yeah, I’m a fucking food and beverage snob. It’s like I’m getting hot sex and you’re humping the couch cushion during a Real World marathon.

ChewFood tip #1: Good beer doesn’t need to whore itself out.

My problem with Starbucks is that they do not have simple syrup out on their little fixin’s bar. I see people order ice coffees and put white or raw sugar in it. I cringe at the thought of getting a mouthful of grainy, sweet sugar while trying to chillax and enjoy a refreshing iced coffee on a hot day. Especially since you just paid $4 for it. You have to ask for their “classic flavored” syrup when ordering, I’m pretty sure they charge you for it, and you don’t even get to control the amount they put in. Big mistake, Starbucks. You’ve made The List.

The place around the corner from me, The Coffee Den, is where I get my iced coffees from. They are kinda expensive ($3 for a large) and the coffee isn’t the best. However, they have simple syrup out which I greatly appreciate.

Simple syrup is so named because it’s really effing simple. Sugar + water + heat = deliciousness. You can make it during a commercial break of Hell’s Kitchen and it’s extremely hard to eff up. And because of this newfangled thing called “science”, the syrup is actually about 20% sweeter than the OG sugar.

Take equal parts sugar and water and heat in a sauce pan over medium heat, stirring occasionally until the sugar dissolves. You can add more sugar if you want it thicker. Store at room temperature or in the fridge for several months. (I use raw sugar, which I just found out isn’t actually better for you.)

Make flavored simple syrup by throwing in a cinnamon stick, a vanilla pod, some lemongrass or a few citrus rinds. Put it in iced beverages, adult beverages, over fruit or whatever else Google tells you you can do with it.

R. Kelly is currently working on a song about sex and simple syrup.

I get really psyched when I hear about a beer pairing dinner. They are pretty rare and harder to pull of than wine pairing (due to beer losing carbination once opened). It’s a nice, freshing alternative to wine pairing. Especially for this kind of weather.

Stone Park Cafe in Park Slope is having a Six Points Brewery beer pairing dinner this Wednesday. $55 prix fixe, six courses. Reservations required. 718-369-0082. Peep the menu.

It’s been awhile since I posted something about libations.

Here’s an article about how to best score buybacks from a bar.

How to Get a Buyback 

I don’t know what the hell a lingonberry is, but it’s mighty delicious.

Cost: $1 premixed from Ikea, no assembly required
ChewFood rating: A- (a little too sweet)

Matt and I attended Split Thy Skull VIII at Mug’s Ale House in Williamburg this past Saturday. From 11am until close on Saturday and Sunday, they offered samplings of high alcohol beers (the lowest being 7% abv and the highest being 13.25%) for $3.50, 5 oz servings in little snifter glasses. We had attended their Belgium 2 Brooklyn beer fest in December, which I found more enjoyable because they had sour beers and I could drink a gallon of that stuff. At three pm, the bar was already three people deep. The good thing about it was that it was 90% beer nerds and beer nerds are very patient and there was not cutting or cursing or shoving that you get from regular booze hounds. There Matt’s coworker, Andy, met up with us.

We then sauntered over to Barcade, which is a green bar (solar powered). They have a nice selection of craft beers, a full bar and olde tyme video games. I suggested going there because I’ve been wanting to try the Dogfish Head vodka. Dogfish Head is an extreme American craft brewery that does crazy, delicious stuff like brew beers with a 20% abv or copy the recipe of the elixir found in King Midas’ tomb. And, apparently, they also distill their own liquor. Unfortunately, Barcade was out of it their vodka, so I decided to try their Jin, which was very herbally (pineapple mint, rosemary). It made an odd martini, but not unpleasant. And this is coming from someone who doesn’t drink gin. Now I’d like to ask a question for any bartender that may be reading: I’ve bartended before, but I find it odd how more often then not, when I order martini on the rocks the bartender mixes it in a shaker. Is this because of James Bond?

Continue reading…

Friday night some Chew Food contributors attended happy hour at The Brooklyn Brewery in Williamsburg. Matt is a huge beer nerd, so he was excited because it was the unveiling of Brooklyn Brewery’s new Brooklyn Local 1 (a bottle conditioned Belgian inspired beer).

At the Brewery, you buy beer tokens for $3 each or 7 for $20. The Brooklyn Local 1 was available with take-home glass (as pictured) for three tokens. Continue reading…