Check out Portland Food & Ink for more photos.

Here’s an article in the NY Times about Miracle Fruit that was a cover story in the dining section today. Miracle fruit is a berry that, once eaten, changes your tastebuds for about an hour. Say you eat a lemon, it will taste like lemonade.

The article features one of my friends, Franz (who has blogged here before), who introduced me to miracle fruit through one of his miracle fruit tasting parties. It was like a food orgy. Franz rules and you should check out his project StreetWars (which I used to be apart of), the OG IRL watergun assassination game. It’s coming back to NYC this Summer.

Trivia night is tonight at Bar Great Harry. Located at the corner of Smith and Sackett in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. Hosted by a couple of crazy kids from Rocketship, the comic book store. 8:30pm. Dogs and dawgs welcome. One scumbag at a time, please.

“Look, my gut tells me Backstreet, and that’s where my brain is. With my gut. They is roomates. But sometimes they don’t get along too well – you know they is always arguing about the bills.”

I haven’t eaten a fresh tomato in eight months.

Sometimes the take-out places will try to sneak in halved grape tomatoes in my green papaya salad and I just eat around them. I see them in the supermarket and don’t even walk down their aisle. I omit them from recipes unless I can get away with using some canned San Marzano ones.

Tomato, I miss you. I will wait for you.

It’s totally gonna be like this.

Here’s another entry from The Zodiac Cookbook.

Taurus: April 21-May21. Its symbol is the Bull, and its element is Fire. The Emerald is its birthstone, and Friday is the luckiest day of the week.

The Taurean is a person of high achievement but great innate modesty. You are persistent and persevering, and a great admirer of things of the past. you hoard your mother’s and your grandmother’s recipes and set great store by family dishes which you cook for all holidays and family celebrations. Should a recipe fail, you will not abandon it, but will try it again and at once! The Taurean enjoys the good things of life and should guard against eating or drinking to excess. You love sweet desserts: the richer, the better! And a box of candy can be our downfall! Since your love for color is marked, you will create colorful combinations of foods and interesting menus. The Taurean is born under the money sign, and expensive food and drink are especially to your liking!

With your sensitivity to the arts, you provide a pleasant background for your dinner parties.

Here are a few favorite dessert recipes which will suit your sweet tooth!

Sandra Lee type recipes for lemon ice-box cake, choco soufflé, carrot cake deluxe and surprise pies are listed.

Women like chocolate? That’s crazy talk.

For your health!

It’s that time again. Time to look at the Google searches that got people to my little food blog. This time, I’m even gonna attempt to help people with their problems!

Searches are listed with most common to least common. So, again, people are obsessed with male cooks on television being gay.

• nathan lyon gay
• robert irvine gay
• bobby deen gay
• andrew zimmern “fat fuck”
• “hot sex” drink
• food fuck
• fresh hot good fish steamed light white healthy delicious
• fuck gout
• fried pork chop good for gout (I’m gonna go with ‘no’ for this one.)
• gay goose “michael chiarello”
• how to have a clean butthole (Um. Wash it daily?)
• how to make chinese soy sauce porn (Chinese people + soy sauce + camera = success!)
• lesbians sharing chewed food
• lose sex apetite after i drink (Then don’t drink, whiskey dick. Duh.)
• penis handled cookware
• extreme huge pussy (See: “robert irvine gay”)
• turd too big
• bizzare foods andrew zimmern penis
• dog ate mac n cheese now has diarrhea
• pho, honky bowl
• seal feces recipe (Dude.)
• “take home chef”+do they plant a person in the supermarket (I dunno, but they should plant a host in there.)
• ate expired banana chip (Oh, no! You’re gonna die!)
• gordon ramsay your cooking on a burnt pan you fucking donkey
• gout olives doritos (I’d totally try that flavor)
• the fat king hnery that ate all the food

My pick for funniest, stupidest, saddest AND most grammatically incorrect:

• how can i do to get my cock big with what foods to eat

Gay.

Gay.

Totally gay.

Just a fat guy that likes penis.

Are you a housewife who doesn’t know how to cook? Ashamed that you will get beatened by your husband when he comes home from work and you don’t have dinner ready? Is ramming a whole chicken into a hot oven too complicated for your tiny, inferior female brain? Have no fear! Perdue’s here to help!

It’s as easy as putting on lipstick!

Chicken not scarey. Chicken friend.

I bet that this dude, who wrote what he thought was an exposé about Iron Chef America, goes up to children and tells them that there’s no Santa Claus. And then I bet he walks home feeling all smug like he’s done something important and righted some injustice. What a cock.

As you may or may not know, I have an affinity for baby wipes. People may think it’s gross, but any arguement you have against them, I have a great defense supporting them. I don’t know why more people don’t use them. Why should babies be the only ones? I mean, those dudes don’t even know how to control their own bowels.

Anyway, Fairway decided to jack up the price on them. Which is fine, because I will pay for the luxury of them. But raising the price sixty fucking cents in two weeks?! Come on! That’s just some effed up ess, right there. I remember in high school when my local supermarket raised the price of Little Debbie’s Zebra Cakes by twenty cents and I went berzerker then, too.

In addition, Seventh Generation even changed the packaging slightly - making the baby a little more, um, whiter. I always thought that thing was a ginger halfie, which made me even more inclined to buy it because I was ginger when I was a baby. Now it’s juse some cracker baby taking my money.

Soon baby wipes will cost more than smokes.

But at least there aren’t naked children on a pack of Camel Lights.