So I’m the middle of taking the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygeine Food Protection Course. (The course is free online until the end of the month.) I’m on lesson nine and check out what I have to learn:
Personal Hygiene Checklist
At the beginning of each workday ask yourself the following questions:
Did I shower or take a bath before coming to work?
Am I sick with a fever, cold or diarrhea?
Do I have any infected cuts or burns?
Are my nails clean, trimmed and free from nail polish?
Are my apron and clothing clean?
Did I remove my jewelry?
Am I wearing my hat, cap or hairnet?
As long as this guy doesn’t have diarrhea, I think he’s safe to make you your dinner.
The NYCDOH doesn’t say anything about laying a woman down and making sweet love to her in the kitchen as being unsanitary .
Derived from the Latin, gluttire, meaning to gulp down or swallow, gluttony is the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste. In the Christian religions, it is considered a sin because of the excessive desire for food, or its withholding from the needy.
Depending on the culture, it can be seen as either a vice or a sign of status. Where food is relatively scarce, being able to eat well might be something to take pride in (although this can also result in a moral backlash when confronted with the reality of those less fortunate). Where food is routinely plentiful, it may be considered a sign of self control to resist the temptation to over-indulge.
Early Church leaders (e.g., Thomas Aquinas) took a more expansive view of gluttony (Okholm 2000), arguing that it could also include an obsessive anticipation of meals, and the constant eating of delicacies and excessively costly foods. He went so far as to prepare a list of six ways to commit gluttony, including:
Praepropere - eating too soon
Laute - eating too expensively
Nimis - eating too much
Ardenter - eating too eagerly
Studiose - eating too daintily
Forente - eating too fervently
The “obsessive anticipation of meals” is sending me and OCD housewives like Martha Stewart to hell. I hope I don’t have to hang out with them there.
In my America, douchebaggery would be a sin.
Also, I agree that dainty, or picky eaters (with or without the fetal alcohol syndrome), should be sent to the third circle of hell. This includes vegans who request vegan mashed potatoes in the middle of Friday night dinner service, people who order their $27 protein well done and this woman who came in claiming she was a vegetarian / pescitarian but then said she sometimes ate poultry in teeny tiny amounts. What the fuck is the difference between eating a bite of chicken and the whole fucking thing? That’s like me saying, “Oh, I’m not a cannibal, I only had one finger.”
Tonight’s “King of the Hill” episode (”Raise the Steaks”) was about organic foods. Hank normally buys his meats from the Wal-Mart like Meglo-Mart until he gets flavorless, tough, chewy steaks. A hippy acquaintance tells Hank to check out the local food co-op, CornuCo-Opia, for organic, grass-fed prime steaks. Many jokes about hippies, yuppies, conventional foods, industrialized organics, delicious cattle and annoying food puns (”Peanut Better” and “Fakin’ Bacon”).
I’m pretty certain that organic foods are Rusty Shackleford approved.
This is a list of search words that got people to my blog, courtesy of GoogleAnalytics. And after going through them I’m pretty certain that 99% of people are either perverts or idiots. Seriously. You people got problems. Do you know that you have problems? Check it:
-gordon ramsay’s cock
-high oleic sunflower oil diarrhea
-how to lose your sex drive
-i have no tomato paste and recipe calls for it
-is chef robert irvine gay?
-janky fruity ass
-japanese food fuck restaurant
-meals you dont have to chew
-chinese chew recipe like you had at school
-apple filled food taste like crap
-is colt 45 vegan friendly?
-fucking food
-what does congealed blood smell like
-vegetable communists
-obese black guy food table discovery health
-mustard powder to vomit
“• M.F.K. Fisher. Can we go on record as saying that we never liked Fisher as a food writer? Her treacly, precious, brittle meditations never moved us, made us hungry, or plated a meaningful memory. Give us the Sterns, Calvin Trillin, or A.J. Liebling any day.”
That’s like saying Cartier-Bresson is overrated or that “Star Wars” is overrated or that Pokey isn’t cute. Fuck you, New York Magazine. You and your boners for David Chang and Berkshire pork and BLT anything are overrated. Oh, and Chowhound. I’ll come over to the Upper East Side and fight you.
Go read some M.F.K. Fisher and she’ll make you feel grateful that you have tastebuds.
Babies are also overrated. Underrated as a food souce, though.
The servers at my restaurant manage to keep their cool through busy hours and shitty customers. I admire this trait because I don’t even talk to customers and I still manage to get angry at them on a regular basis. Like when a female who get her dining tips from health magazines disrespectfully deconstructs Chef’s dishes with substitutions and requests that her protein be grilled with no oil. Or when a six top of kosher vegetarians show up out of the blue. Or when a four-top all order the same appetizers and entrees. I flip my shit and start mumbling curses. But here’s a video I found that goes out to my front of the house people that I yell at because I can’t yell at customers.
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